Category: Life Goals

I Love Life

There’s more to life than just how I feel.

Sleeping. Breathing heavily. Outbursts. It was not an ordinary Sunday afternoon far from home. I saw the kids struggling to breathe, to survive. Their young bodies and innocent minds. Their mother right beside them trying to dissipate or take away their pain. They don’t deserve any of this, that’s what I had in mind. But no one deserves to be ill. No one is entitled for it, especially them. Some are newly born (the one I was assigned to) and some were already been there for months since his birth and had undergone three major operations already (the last kid we went to see). And what saddens me the most is that in two months time, he had to undergo another operation again. He just needs to recover from the last one. I can’t even. Just the needle itself is painful enough.

The situation and the scenario was unbearable in addition to the not in a good state facilities. It was heartbreaking to see the kids and know their stories. And their parents trying to let the ends meet just to fight for their baby’s life. The mother in the first ward was talking about the new doctor’s practicing. It’s a risk to let them handle these cases. These are helpless little kids that depends on us, the adults. Their lives are important as much as we give importance to ours. That there’s nothing they can do about that.

It was the reality that people often neglects. The more we need to appreciate life and its mysteries and the pain we had to endure and the problems we had to face in order to live. The importance of our lives and the effect of our actions to people. Beautifully abstracted by God.

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It was the Pasko Pa Rin program that was held for the first time in Philippine Children’s Medical Center last Sunday afternoon which was organized by Ate Ditas (and company) who invited me. They were on their 6th year and it was typically done in Philippine General Hospital. We were supposed to visit the leukemia and cancer patients. But I guess we have to deal with these first before we get to the more heartbreaking ones. The experiences is worthwhile. Looking forward to the next one. Wish it would be sooner rather than later.

Unbreakable Ties

*2011 and 2012 Appreciation Post

Looking back at the year that’s about to pass (and the year before), they were undeniably filled with blessings and people that makes our lives worthwhile. Friendship, companionship and most especially fellowship that strengthens and stirs our characters. The people that stitches all the memories and history you are creating and makes up the life that you are living.

I may not be vocal with regards to my appreciation and my actions would tell them how much I love them, I do, I love these people. And I am trying my best in my own little ways to return the favor. I won’t be overly dramatic and I won’t enumerate the things they did for me. All I know is I am grateful and blessed to have them around. Hope to see you again in the coming year/s, loves. Because some ties are simply unbreakable..

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“Faithful friends are a sturdy shelter:
whoever finds one has found a treasure.
Faithful friends are beyond price;
no amount can balance their worth.
Faithful friends are life-saving medicine;
and those who fear the Lord will find them.”

-Sirach 6:14-16 NRSV

Looking forward to an awesome and fruitful year. I remember that feeling back in high school. We were about to graduate and all were excited and sad, as well. Endings and new beginnings are waiting for us. You’ll never know what we’ll look forward to. Will it be the same? Or maybe at least still feel the same? But one thing I am sure of is that I trust in You. Take the clay I am and mold me to your plan.

Cheers to 2013! It’s gonna be legendary!

Wanderlust

Are you dreaming about me, too?

I’ve been longing and wishing and hoping and craving for Batanes this past weeks. Actually, I’ve always wanted to go there and today, the intensity’s getting stronger. I really, really, really wanted to go there. I even blurted out the other day that I’d drag my first boyfriend there, whether he likes it or not. *sigh* Soon, real soon kahit walang boyfriend.

I even remember dreaming about being the Daniel Burnham of Batanes, if I would even practice architecture. Exploiting the resources of the ever beautiful Batanes. Ha! That’s wicked. But I’d be a good girl, and an awesome architect. I’d have my tiny house up in the hill, overlooking the vast ocean exposed to the sun. I’d have my beautiful panorama of the sunrise and the sunset on my yard. The stars and the sun at night by my window. Dream on little girl.

As for now, I’m trying to drag my friends — Erwin, Ruth, Bernie and others, to go to Batangas for a backpacking this coming semestral break. But am afraid it wont really happen. They’re scared about the pamahiin that graduating students are prone to accident. Now I’m left with hoping that Kukai would pass the licensure examination so we could go. Ugh! Sunrise on the beach! That’d be lovely. And a long list of places follows — Chicago, Seattle, Prague, Ireland, Machu Pichu, Cape of Good Hope..

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Write first. Write from the heart. And when everything is done, edit. Edit with your head. (Ate Ditas)

Everything inside my mind is inexplicable. Can I just dump you all together and organize yourselves?

I’m having a hard time composing paragraphs for the thesis. But am really thankful, Papa God, for blessing me with people who’s helping me in their own little ways. The 4C boys are keeping me sane from all my shits and my dramas. Leovigildo’s a good listener and a commentator. Haha! Thank You for Ate Ditas, she’s been of a good help — sending me articles and sharing tips and a lot more. Befriending her is awesome. Am just hoping she won’t have the time to find and read whatever I write here. It’s way insane to have a real writer reading your personal blog. Architect Dinky is really nice, too. Even Ate Ditas suggested that I should take advantage. Ha! He asked me to drop by his office so he could give me complimentary books. Am too shy to actually show up. But I have to, I will. The mere fact that I had the courage to exchange e-mails with them.. And you people should stop giving me your personal numbers to message you. The trust is really, really flattering. I need to work on our thesis!

Finally recovered files in our old hard drive. Dammit. Memories. I have recovered past memories. That’s not so good. But I am expanding. Ha! Lez bite into the bright side.

Ate’s scheduled to go out of the country in a few days. I wanna go somewhere else, too. I coudn’t wait to get out of the school’s premises. But I really need to fix everything I would leave behind, first. And You know I am trying, Papa God. One down!

Spoiled myself. I watched the first episode of the last season of House, M.D. while I am still on Season 3.Now I know how it feels like to know what’s gonna happen, just like the idk-what-the-title-of-that movie is. The mystery’s gone, the thrill disappears. Hope is lost. And thank You for helping me get over those thoughts about Science and Faith. And compromise. And non-conformity.

And speaking of faith. And discipleship, most especially. Thank You Papa God. And thank You, Narciso, it was really enlightening. Whatever happened, whatever is happening, whatever will happen. Expand your horizons.

I love You. Thank You. And I am so sorry. I love You.

A Piece of the Cake

A share of the sumptuous masterpiece..

I remember my friend Kukai and I’s motto: “Hindi lahat binibigay” and also: “Mas madaling hulihin ang manok kapag nakatali” back in our early days in college.

“You look happy” a number of people told me these past days. And I am glad that they are noticing that aside from “Tumataba ka” and “Gumaganda ka yata”, emphasizing the latter. Ok. Flatter yourself, dear. =))))

It’s my mother’s birthday and I stayed over the Roxas’ place last night to give them an extra pair of hands for the high rise plate and at Calayag’s the other night. They’re keeping me busy and amused with chitchats and whatsoever in the past months. I am blessed to have them around, indeed. Para Kay God! Hello Narciso, are you there reading this? 😉

Neutral. That’s the word that comes in mind whenever I am asked about my current state – enjoying every slice of the cake one at a time. Indulging on it slowly so as not to ‘umay’ myself. I just want to enjoy what is currently served and not ‘want’ more. It will soon fall into place, in God’s perfect time.

I had a chance meeting and little chat with Arch. Paulo Alcazaren, Editor-in-Chief of Blu Print magazine’s co-writer, Ditas Bermudez at the Pamana: Built Heritage Conservation Seminar at the Filipinas Heritage Library last August 23, 2012. She shared some ideas and the projects their currently working at. She even suggested that I should apply directly at PGAA instead when I told her I wanted to apply at Blu Print for apprenticeship. She offered me some materials and asked me for my e-mail address and also suggested that I should visit a certain library. Hoping to hear from her soon.

The seminar was beyond ‘sulit’. What is sulit, mom? (Baby Josh, 2012) It’s getting more than what you paid for. (Kris Aquino, 2012) HAHAHA. I arrived late. Heritage Conservation Society’s Arch. Noche’s talk was already wrapping-up. It was coffee break and I should say the food is mighty fine. I was waiting for Arch. Mata’s talk and so it goes. Arch. Galicia and Dr. Einsdel’s talk was remarkable. I’m still waiting for the electronic copy of the slides, though. It was an extraordinary experience. I got intimated when I walked in. I was the only student in attendance and they were all professionals – architects, environmental planners, writers, accountants, and etcetera. I am one of the few who had the chance.

And to sum it up, I am having quite a month. I am having a busy, fulfilling and fruitful month of August.

Archangel D

And they felt the same way, eh?

Coz I was so sad, like really sad yesterday. Realizations came and I was thinking about what’s gonna happen next. Just when I thought I finally got over the walls of  an adviser, he’d go just like other people do in my life do so that. Am so grateful for having Sir D around. It was like I have another father watching me and guiding me. And I could never stop him from doing anything and really, it’s best for him to accept that job. But having him around give me confidence that someone’s gonna be there when I fail. Someone’s gonna correct me and blablablabla. Naiiyak ako. Haaay.

Hindi ka namin mapipigilan, di ka rin naman mawawala, di ka talaga mawawala sa puso namin Sir. Nandyan ka pa rin naman, hindi nga lang makikita araw-araw pero nandiyan ka. Alam naming gagabayan mo pa rin kami tulad ng ginagawa mo kahit hindi na ikaw ang adviser namin. Maiiba nga lang ngayon kasi may iba ka ng pagkakaabalahan. At alam naming gusto niyo yan at suportdao namin kayo sa gagawin niyo.

Hindi ko nasasabi sa inyo o di ko nasusuklian yung kabaitan niyo, pero maraming maraming salamat, ang dami niyong naibahagi at marami akong natutunan sa inyo, Tay!

Backslide, nuh-uh..

My God, I’m taking the road I think You gave me to travel on. I may not be fully confident about my decisions, the way I see (it as) right or wrong, or the way I think about it and the way I think it’d end up. But I know, all I know is that You are there. I may stumble and falter along the way; I’ll get back up for You are there. You alone are God. I LOVE YOU. I may not have shown You or said it as much as I could, but I do, yes Lord, I love You. You never failed loving me in every way. You loved me no matter what. How could You in spite? God, I am unworthy of Your Love, Your Salvation and blessings, yet You gave it all for me with no hesitations. And I’m here trying to make sense of it all. God.. I’m holding unto You. As always.

I love You,
Katriz

2011.1123

There are days that I feel so helpless. This is one of those days that as I stand, sit, or walk in the hallways, I couldn’t find familiarity in any place I would go or look at… I’m scared. I’m stumbling. I’m trembling deep inside my heart and my mind. I’m not secured. About anything I am doing right now, the research, the plates, the people around me, the future. I dunno what’s going to happen. Aint sure if this is even for me, this environment, the work, the people. Too late for backing out, I know. I feel so helpless. This aint what I really want. I don’t even know what I really want. I feel like I’m just hanging and am not going anywhere.

God I’m so sorry.
2011.1129

If I could just hug You Abba Father and feel the warmth, that I’m secured, that I am loved in Your arms.
2011.1211

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I am isolating myself, backsliding.  “Fellowship” blinks at the side of my sight. Sorry. Sorry for the way. Sorry for the thoughts, the clutter, the decisions, the way I am. I couldn’t wait for 2011 to just pass and make 2012 a better one. Am stuck, am helpless. I  need no resolution not a fan of resolutions, I badly needed a redirection. But then I was reminded by these:

God never promises to remove us from our struggles. He does promise, however, to change the way we look at them. (Max Lucado)

*2011 Forecast and 2012 Resolutions Redirections coming up.

Prelude to the Epilogue

Noong una, natatakot talaga ako na mag-end yung 2010. Para bang ‘the story must come to a sudden end‘ ang drama. Ngayon ko pa lang kasi nae-enjoy ng husto yung taon, ngayon ko pa lang nararamdaman na may nangyayari pala. Natatakot ba ko na magclose yung chapter ng buhay ko na ito. Kasi baka mawala.

Pero naisip ko din naman, sa bawat pagkawala, meron ka namang pwedeng tangayin. Sabi ko nga, nasa sa atin ang choice kung alin at sino ang dapat i-let go. Mga bagay na dapat ipagpatuloy, mga taong hahayaan natin at ia-allow na manatili at makigulo pa sa buhay natin, mga problemang poproblemahin pa at mga iba na kakalimutan na. Nakaraan na dapat nating tinitingnan para matuto, at ang oras na dapat pinahahalagahan

Mga taong patuloy na mamahalin, sarili na patuloy pagtitibayin — hindi lang sa pisikal na pangangatawan, kundi sa pakikipagsapalaran sa mundo ng mga paiba-ibang emosyon, at ang patuloy na pagkamit sa happyness na inaasam.

May mga bagay, at tao na rin, na gusto ko pa rin nandyan pagpasok ng taon, at sa mga sumusunod pang taon, at sa mga susunod pang darating. Nananalig akong kaya ko, kasi gusto ko.

Ang relasyon ko sa kanya, at sa Kanya. =) Alam Niyo na po kung sino at kung paano diba po? 😉

(Yun na lamang muna. Ito ay pahapyaw lang muna. Madami. Madaming magandang nangayari at ito ay patungkol sa taon na darating.)

You’re my Saviour indeed

Lord, ang bilis mo po. =) Thank you talaga. Saviour indeed. Lover of my soul.

Last minute preparation for your birthday.

P.S. Pwede po favor? Sana po hindi na maging ganun yung paraan nila to solve our material problems. For a change. Help us Abba Father. And thank you sa chance na nasabi ko yung saloobin ko. Ipon muna kasi bago gastos, tama po ba?

Happy birthday baby Jesus!

You are the symbol of God’s love to mankind. You are our Father’s greatest gift. :*