CROSSroads

Getting out of our comfort zone is hard. We have to decide which way you would want to go, people you wanted to keep, ties that you are going to break, lines that you are going to cross, things that you have to risk away from all the things that are familiar, people you believe will rescue you.

I am restless. I always want new things, knowledge, places, ideas. I know this past year I’ve been playing it safe. I found my comfort zone and decided to stay, not just for myself but for me to be with them, too, or so I thought. But realizing that even with your kindest intentions, you end up disappointing them, even weighing them down. Doing everything for the people you love for you to be stabbed in the back, get cold shoulders and hurtful words, being neglected and taken for granted. I don’t wanna just sit there and listen to their stories anymore and wait around for the time when they wanted to share a part of them to me. I don’t want to just have a drop of attention. I wanted to learn more. I wanted to have my own world, own stories, own history.

I’m gonna need the courage to walk away from my comfort zone. Trusting in You, Abba Father that as I do all these things you’d have my back is the only way I can do so. That as I do these things even without other people or their support, You’re going to pick me up as I stumble in that big world I’ve been dreading to set my foot onto.

You are the only one who understands my fears, my dreams, my intentions even without explaining myself to you. I’m tired of explaining. I’m tired of being misunderstood. I’m going to be selfish this time. I’m going to act what I believe You wanted me to do, the place where you wanted me to go. I’m gonna conquer my fears and jump to the unknown. I wanna experience the world and do what I love. I’d be better than I am yesterday. Through You.

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I’ve been resting my heart for quite a long time now and it’s enjoying the peace that it gets as much as it can. ‘Cause I remember someone once taught me and told me that.. if something or someone is about to be gone in a short period of time, I’d live it up. I wouldn’t waste the opportunity by keeping my distance and acclimatizing myself early on to the absence. I’d get as much memories while I still can, there will be plenty of time to mope about it later. Even though I’m sure it didn’t went on smoothly, I still believe that I’m doing the right thing. It is scary and hard, yes but I can’t expect to have a different result by doing the same thing over and over again.

And also I still believe that There are times you have to let go of someone to show how much you care. And being apart does not mean the end of what you have now. (Arch. ADD, 2010)

Fireproof

Today, Katriz, we believe God wants you to know that …love won’t run out.

In moments when you feel like you have given and given until there is no more of yourself to give, remember that love won’t run out. God has an infinite amount of love for you and for you to pass on to others. Even at times when the well seems dry, God can send a flood. Let the flood of love wash over you and then drench everyone around you.

And You know exactly what to tell me. You know, It’s one of those days that I wanted to get away from all the familiar things, away from my comfort zone, from the things and people I care about. To a place where no one knows me and could possibly bother me. Realizing the fact that in the end, all you have is yourself (aside from You, of course), you just wanted to get away. Avoid the crowd, get lost elsewhere.

Oh God, I cant believe I’m writing a sad tale, again. It’s this time of the year, a pre-birthday contemplation about how messed up I am and how slow I am moving and progressing compared to the previous year. And I am currently feeling empty, honestly. I haven’t moved. Yes, I graduated and on time (my only goal) and thanks for Your guidance I made it. I know fireproof doesn’t mean the fire will never come, it only means when the fire comes I will be able to withstand it. I’m just trying my best not to burn myself up from the fire that I started. I’m trying. Maybe I need to shed tears to be able to shut it down. It’ll take lots of years to be able to revive it. I need to do something about it..

In God’s Perfect Time

I had a different purpose in mind when I agreed to go with my friend on her trip at the other end of the country. I could have had gone on to CamSur where I could have joined the National Volunteers’ Summit but in my heart I wanted to go somewhere else where none would possibly remind me of things that were long buried in the past. I was thinking maybe now that I’ve finally graduated, I could stop wondering and wander off to places I’ve been longing, away from the cages of my comfort zone and the memories I’ve built that surrounded me for so long. I wanted to get away from all of it. Something new, something fresh — that was the plan.

I’ve tried and I could say I’ve failed but I would never regret that I’ve failed. That I’ve held back, giving way to what I really wanted in the first place. What I’ve been wanting for the last years. Maybe I failed on trying, but it lead me to something great, greater than what I am trying to achieve. Waaaaay better.

“Many are the plans in a Man’s heart but it is the Lord’s purpose that prevails.” (Proverbs 19:21)

I have had that scripture lingering around believing that it will eventually be clear to me, what it means to me. Maybe I am too overwhelmed with how the turn of the events quickly unfolded. Or probably it had been waiting for me for the longest time. Maybe, possibly. I feel so blessed and I’ll be forever grateful to You, my God. Not just for me but also for the people around me, for the people I love and every person that I would come in contact to. It will fall exactly right into the place where you intended us to be, and be the person you want us to be. For Your glory and for every person that would be affected by our very existence. I may and I’d probably go through phases of doubts and idleness, of remorse and hatred but it will be Your Love that I would always hold on to and the only thing that will ever save me from the insanity that our minds would create.

“He’s going to tame your doubt and fulfill that dream in your heart.” (Psalms 37:4)

In Jesus name, Amen.

Could Not Ask for More

There are many things that I would like to say and be thankful for, Papa God. Everything’s not the way I want it to be, but it’s exactly the way I need it to be. I don’t deserve any of this but you give it to me anyway. You are the love that keeps me going. I could not ask for more..

Thank you for guiding me in finishing the book, I couldn’t have done it without you. Thank you for being there through the defense. Thank you for the friends and the new people who helped me through. Thank you for the refill. Thank you for everything. Thank you for guiding my sister on her flight. Thank you for the peace back home. Thank you for everything. Thank you for the little things. It is what makes me whole. Thank you. I could not ask for more..