Drifting Draft

You probably wont find this letter anyway but here goes nothing:

Dear,

This letter’s been on draft since new year and been planning to give it you on your birthday. But every time I try to start, I stop, thinking it’s too cheesy for you. It’s only when you said I’m not happy with you anymore that I realized I was wrong. I should have told you, I shouldn’t have held back my appreciation for everything that you are. For everything that you’ve done. I am happy with you. I am happy for how far we’ve come. I am sorry for not telling you.

I’ve been holding back all the cheesy stuff I can think of to pull off for you. I kept expecting you’d do some for me so I can do the same for you. I just waited around for you to love me, instead of showing mine. And every time you try, I failed to appreciate. Ironically, I felt unappreciated whenever I did one for you.  I just moped about it. I only love when you love. Sorry for stopping when you were just tired and needed loving, too.

I’ve always wanted to tell you how grateful I am for your existence. It was a crappy 2014 for us, especially our relationship but as the year ended, I wanted to leave everything behind. All the arguments, misunderstandings taking only the lessons that was meant for us. Don’t rush into the results, it takes time. I am trying. But I will always stumble, please bear with me. There will be times that I will reexamine my life, that’s what I do. I beat myself up for the tiny progress I’ve made in my life. Sorry for doing the same thing in our relationship.

We’ve had too many fall outs, yes. But at the end of the day, no matter how fucked up they were, it’s you I still want to hold. It’s you I wanted to wake up next to or at the other end of the line. I was trying too hard and it was wrong. I’ll surely have some moments of weakness but please hold on. I’ll build my empire, you do your thing. I won’t pressure you into doing anything. You are enough for me. I’m proud of your efforts.

You are a good man and I am really blessed and lucky to have you. You make me question my morals and watch out for my temper. Sorry for maxing out your patience for me. But please let’s not count how many times we tried and the chances we took. It’s a new year and (at least for the Chinese, hehe) let’s leave our frustrations and our problems behind. You are the positive thing that pulls me out from all my evil thoughts. Let us look into each other with new pairs of renewed eyes. Let’s lean more into the positive side of everything and I will try. Let the past year serve it’s purpose, to make us stronger and resilient. I know you can do that. You see the good in everything, and everyone.

I was just scared. I don’t want these fears anymore. I want you in my life. You loved me even when you feared that I didn’t feel the same way. I won’t let my fears ruin everything. Something you had the courage to built for us. I don;t want to throw it all away just because it was more convenient that way. Hang on. Chill with me.

May be I am far from that girl you first met and farther than the woman I hope to be. And maybe you are, too. But whichever way you choose, I’ll be here for you. Let me.

Someone I love once wrote: ‘I believe that flaws and imperfections make us unique in a way that are just awesome. And though the tower was a work in progress for 300 years they did not try to fix it, instead they went on and tried to compensate for it. :)’.

I hope you’ll reconsider. :p

I love you.

Katriz

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