2014’s been hell of a year. Hell, yes. It was a year full of twists and unplanned turns that lead me to experiences I would never ever regret. I couldn’t wait for it to be over.
It’s been rough. Leaving and trying to find what I really love are the highlights of my year. It was tough but idleness is more destructive than that. I questioned the purpose of my existence. I finished school and passing the boards next on the list. But what would I do after that? Settle. Put up your own firm. Commission projects. Aim global practice. Is that really it? I’m not a competitive person. I am not. I do what I can do.
And as I search for the desires of my heart. I found preservation, fighting for the rights (yea not so competitive, ha), educating people, spreading awareness and providing decent shelter to the one’s in need are one of them. I want to travel the world. Going places as I spread knowledge and awareness, helping people out. I don’t need beauty and prestige of the practice, I aim for functionality and purpose. Even in life.
I love the details. Imperfections at its finest. I don’t love them simply because they are pretty. I love them in spite of the flaws and love them more for it. The way those scars are there and knowing they are there for a reason. How it affected so much of its behavior and how it works. It’s beautiful and unique. I appreciate it more than the usual untouched beauty.
So starting this year (not just for this year), I’ll take little steps in to becoming a better version myself, time’s on my side. I’m gonna own you 2015! :p
I’ll try my best to care less and ignore more of tampo I have on people. I’ll stop expecting that they would include me or even treat me as family in their lives especially when I include them in mine. I’d stop trying to break walls when they wont even lift a pebble to break mine. I’ll stay away from people who only sees the bad things I’ve done instead of the good ones and happy memories I gave them. I will focus more on the people who never leaves and still loves me in spite of me being me. I’ll work for my dream and not depend on other people’s goals in life that would include or exclude me anytime. I’ll try my best to be the independent woman I always dream to be and fulfill my own goals and dreams. Being independent and surrounding myself with the right people that I could fall back on in bad times and laugh with in good times. I want to give back, I want to serve people, I want to help them in my own little ways. I shall and I will.
I want to be better, (of course who wouldn’t?) for me and the people I love. And just watch the stars, clouds and sky day and night for the rest of my life.
I know I’m not making any sense here and possibly I’m the only person who would ever understand what I’m trying to say. But honestly, my goal is to build a life and career where I’m not constantly waiting for the weekend. I don’t want to live that way where I hate five days of the week because I hate my life and job so much that the only relief i get is Saturday and Sunday. I want to enjoy my life and not wish it away every week. I want each day to matter to me, in some way, even some small way. I want to like all of it, not just my life on the weekend.