CROSSroads

Getting out of our comfort zone is hard. We have to decide which way you would want to go, people you wanted to keep, ties that you are going to break, lines that you are going to cross, things that you have to risk away from all the things that are familiar, people you believe will rescue you.

I am restless. I always want new things, knowledge, places, ideas. I know this past year I’ve been playing it safe. I found my comfort zone and decided to stay, not just for myself but for me to be with them, too, or so I thought. But realizing that even with your kindest intentions, you end up disappointing them, even weighing them down. Doing everything for the people you love for you to be stabbed in the back, get cold shoulders and hurtful words, being neglected and taken for granted. I don’t wanna just sit there and listen to their stories anymore and wait around for the time when they wanted to share a part of them to me. I don’t want to just have a drop of attention. I wanted to learn more. I wanted to have my own world, own stories, own history.

I’m gonna need the courage to walk away from my comfort zone. Trusting in You, Abba Father that as I do all these things you’d have my back is the only way I can do so. That as I do these things even without other people or their support, You’re going to pick me up as I stumble in that big world I’ve been dreading to set my foot onto.

You are the only one who understands my fears, my dreams, my intentions even without explaining myself to you. I’m tired of explaining. I’m tired of being misunderstood. I’m going to be selfish this time. I’m going to act what I believe You wanted me to do, the place where you wanted me to go. I’m gonna conquer my fears and jump to the unknown. I wanna experience the world and do what I love. I’d be better than I am yesterday. Through You.

****

I’ve been resting my heart for quite a long time now and it’s enjoying the peace that it gets as much as it can. ‘Cause I remember someone once taught me and told me that.. if something or someone is about to be gone in a short period of time, I’d live it up. I wouldn’t waste the opportunity by keeping my distance and acclimatizing myself early on to the absence. I’d get as much memories while I still can, there will be plenty of time to mope about it later. Even though I’m sure it didn’t went on smoothly, I still believe that I’m doing the right thing. It is scary and hard, yes but I can’t expect to have a different result by doing the same thing over and over again.

And also I still believe that There are times you have to let go of someone to show how much you care. And being apart does not mean the end of what you have now. (Arch. ADD, 2010)

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