The Social Contract

Namimiss ko yung kasabay ko sa adoration chapel. Yung nakakasabay ko sa jeep. Namimiss ko yung nakakakwentuhan ko ng mahaba. Yung kaysa gumawa ng plate okaya naman ay matulog ng maaga. Namimiss ko yung nakikinig sa mga kadramahan ako. At hindi naman naiinis dito. Namimiss ko yung pinapangaralan ako. Namimiss ko yung parang kabarakada lang ako. Yung kulitin o harutin parang lalake lang din. Pero nirerespeto pa din ako na tulad ng isang babae. Namimiss ko yung sinasabihan ako na babagsak ako pero sinusuportahan naman ako. Namimiss ko yung makulit. Namimiss ko ang mga kwento. Namimiss ko ang panlilibre. Namimiss ko yung mga kagaguhan na sinasabi sakin. Namimiss ko..

Those were my thoughts as I entered the adoration chapel yesterday before I went home. My refuge. And tears fell down as I start my conservation with God. Yes I am a crybaby but for some reasons it felt different. Maybe I was happy but too exhausted at the same time. School’s getting me and the works I need to finish and the life that awaits me outside as I graduate this year, hopefully. I swear I’m really up to no good.

Or prolly I miss something. I am missing something. In this case I’m not exactly sure if I should miss it.

Being nothing and still surrounded with love and all the care I could get. I don’t have to do something for me to be worthy. I don’t have to be that good to matter. I don’t have to say the right words for me to be loved. I don’t have to think what trouble it might get me into as I open my mouth and speak my mind or do what I wanted to do.

Like House and Wilson (House, M.D.). No matter how fucked up, narcissist, stubborn and childish House can be, Wilson is always there. He pushes people away but still manages to be best friends with Wilson. House may be insane but Wilson could put up with his shits. They are so adorable. Their friendship even though fictional is really inspiring. Maybe it does exist. In a parallel universe.

Someone who carries your baggage with you. You don’t have any obligations to that person but still you stay with each other. You don’t need pep talks nor you should learn how to. You face reality together. No social contract attached.

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