32 Days of You and Me

Today, Anne, we believe God wants you to know that … love is the opposite of logic.

Logic is argumentative, aggressive upon the mind, splits the world into right and wrong, us and them. Love is generative, compassionate, embracing all creation. Logic pays attention to what is being said. Love pays attention to how things are said. Logic leads to debate. Love leads to communion. Practice love to be closer to God.

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Sorry for blogging too much for December. Guess I just wanted to clear all these thoughts before the year ends. I had this message yesterday. And I was crying a while ago, not the hysterical one though. Nkklk. I’ve had so much inside me that I never told anybody or even care to admit. Untold stories, untold tales of you and me..

I never told you how thrilled I am when you asked me out. I never told you how I appreciate every effort you exerted for me. I never told you how I felt when you made me wait that night of your birthday, the fact that it was already late and I had the courage to tell my parents that.. And you never came to pick me up. I never told you how I felt when I figured out you saw your ex without telling me. I never had the courage to tell you to stop flirting with other girls right at my face. I never showed you or care to tell you. I never told you how I am at peace whenever I am with you. You don’t know how concerned I am with you. You don’t know how I intentionally wanted to see you home, just for you to be home and be with your family and make you rest. You don’t know how glad I am I became  part of your family. I never knew what those feelings meant. Not until ages after. I got scared. It was too perfect. I am full of shit and I cannot afford to ruin everything. I was not ready to risk and take chance. You told somebody you love or loved me, at least. I spent a year trying to figure out if it was true and you really would wait for me. But you never came back. And you’re there. Happy. With new people in your life. The ones who deserve you. I don’t have any clue if you still feel the same way about me. But I am happy for you. I am. Maybe it doesn’t show. Maybe I wanted you back. Or maybe I haven’t figured out the lesson your sudden role in my life ought to teach me. You were the one I asked. You were the one He gave me and I never took the chance.

I just want to know.  I don’t know if you’d be coming back. I just want you to know. I had to let you go now. But heads up, once you do, there’s no turning back. I dare you.

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I’m thinking that it might actually be possible for things to work out sometimes. Definitely not everything and maybe not the way you imagined. But sometimes, when you least expected it, life surprises you. (Susane Colasanti, When It Happens)
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