Butterfly Effect

What and If are two words as non-threatening as words can be. But put them together side-by-side and they have the power to haunt you for the rest of your life: What if? What if? (Letters to Juliet)

The year’s about to end and the new one’s nearing. So many things to do, so little motivation. I know. Decisions to make, crossroads, patch things up, save, focus and love. With my old thoughts and vague but at least new aspirations in life, I think I might be ready. I can never be ready anyway.

  • What if I fought for that dream on studying at U.P. as a Mass Communication student? What if I saved up for that examination and took my chance? What if I set aside my fears of the unknown and overcome that feeling of not being able? Not being able. Able to stand up for what I really want. Able to qualify and maintain if I ever got in. Able to support and work hard for my dreams. On my own. What if I wasn’t too young and not scared of anything that would come my way?

I prolly would have not met the people and friends and became the person that I am today.

  • What if I tried? Harder? What if I did not think of anything else and trusted on you? What if I let him be a part of my everyday and set aside the complicated thoughts I had in mind? He was the one I asked for. He was the one You gave me. What if I wasn’t scared about attachments and commitments, the cheesy and the sweet? What if he waited longer? What if he came back? What if he will? I’d never let you go again, this time.

If it wasn’t for my stupidity, I would never have appreciated your ‘everything’ anyway.

  •  What if that thing that ‘almost’ happened last summer happened? Ha. Most probably I am out of school and carrying one helluva heavy baggage, literally. And if it wasn’t for that, though I shouldn’t be grateful for it, I figured out whom to trust, especially, y’know.

Weak people revenge, strong people forgive, intelligent people ignore.

  •  What if I.. don’t know exactly what to think of. I’ve spent a lot of days and nights thinking what I could have done to make it right, or better, at least. Or maybe longer than it was. What if you accepted and loved me, and understood me? The way that I am, the way that I am to others and not just the good parts you kept on seeing. What if I did not cross the line?

I’ve always been known to cross lines, unfortunately.

  • What if I had a boyfriend? Would you still be jealous, loves? I don’t know what you see in me to be jealous about. You should trust your man that you are the one. And trust me, I’m not a home wrecker and I don’t have plans of destroying them. I am meant to build them, love.

And you people should stop deleting me on Facebook. And arguing with your partner. I don’t know if it should flatter me but someone said that anything that happened once will never happen again but anything that happened twice will surely happen the third time (The Alchemist, Paulo Coelho). That should scare me, right? Am I only meant to be a footnote to someone else’s love story?

And I should let these things go. Everything in here should be thrown away, not buried not inside my mind and thoughts. Together with the dead stars in a vast black hole where no one could possibly recover it. As the snow in front of you disappears, everything should be forgotten.

I’ll move on for it is Your love that overcomes.. *2012Dec16


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