In Another Life

I suffocate people. I bombard them with my existence. I annoy them with my presence. Apparently, that’s what I always do. I don’t hug, I smother.

I don’t give space, and when I do, I give them all. It’s all or nothing.  Whenever I feel I am in that person’s life too much, I stay away. I’ve got no self-esteem, that’s a fact. So, if people don’t want me around, or it feels like they’re annoyed with my mere existence, I stay away as far as they like if they say so. And for the people who made me feel like they need me or want me in their lives, I’d be there, as long as they want me there. Just tell me. Madali naman akong kausap.

When someone reminds you of how important you are to them, how they still care for and love you, it’s like so much weight has been lifted off of your shoulders. A big relief that they’re still there. Reassuring, it’s a good feeling.

I need reassurance a lot.

****

Hi Papa God. I know we had a deal last year. And I’m not quite sure if it’s still up for grabs. I don’t know. I can wait, but I’m not that sure if it’s still somewhere out there. I’m not in a hurry, don’t get me wrong. It’s just that I don’t want to waste my time thinking, waiting for something that is not meant. Tell me if I really need to move away, elsewhere. Tell me if I had to, or  may be not. ’cause deep in my heart I know there’s this hope that still lingers. Hoping, wishing.. I’m not so good at decisions. Help me out, eh?

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