I traveled all the way to the National Library to clear my mind. Yes, I need to travel to be able to do that. I want to be surrounded by ideas and thoughts etched in papers to feel secure. Feel like I belong to those ideologies, systematically analyzed, logical and reasonable. For some reasons, I wanna be a part of it. Want my system to be organized. Or maybe I belong to those encrypted in fantasies of a young, playful mind. Maybe. Maybe I wanted to get away. Away from all the things that’s keeping me insane.

Let go. Move on. A message from God this morning. I needed that. That’s exactly what I needed. In black and white. It suddenly hits me. Yes. I had to move on. That’s what you’ve been telling me. God, how could I be so naive? I could not recall how it felt like before. How can I be so naive? Almost two years. I gotta get up and move forward like you’ve already done, so easily. How can it be that easy for you when I can’t hardly bear just the thought of it? How can I be so naive?


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