Misery Affirmation

2011.1102 Too late for this though..

I just thought no matter how much I try to hide it, deep inside my mind and my heart, I won’t, I can’t. Everything reminds me of you.

I shared you everything, everything that I like, everything that I am up to, everything that I am that I never cared to share to anyone. Every thought, every dream, I related it to you like I never did to anyone, not even to the close ones. The bestfriend I never asked but came in my life anyway. Everytime I would recall those times, it saddens me. And you know what pains me now? I am talking in the past tense.

I am holding on to the past, onto a memory that I could never be sure of that will continue on. Not sure it will stand and not fall apart. Holding onto nothing most prolly. I couldn’t help it. I never had that person that meant this much to me. The teacher, the mentor, my bestfriend, my sister, my mother all rolled into one.

I miss that person. I couldn’t do anything about it. It’s been months. I’ve been trying so hard.. But then am here. Bitter as it may sound, I don’t even know if I even crossed your mind, whatever it is that’s happening between us, if you even miss me,  or thinking that maybe we should patch things up, or you still care.

But until when can I hold onto something that’s just letting me go? Until when will I had to ignore the pain when pain is all that’s remaining? Until when will I had to go through crying these every fuckin’ day and every freakin’ night? Until when will I remember someone who already forgot about me? Until when will I cry over someone who never shed a tear for me? Until when will these thoughts reside in my head? Until when will I had to wait that your presence and absence no longer affect me? Until when?

****

I was just wondering last night about doing something instead of wishing that we’d again talk or to my luck maybe patch things up.  And be my mentor with this RM thingy. You were in my every prayer and every wish. Still hoping..

The sad thing is, I can’t do something about it. You know I’m in for your happiness, where you are comfortable at. Even if it you’ve got nothing to do with me. I just want you to know, I love you Ate. No matter what.

And your wish is my command..

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