I Retreat, I Surrender

Dear God,

Retreat was fine.* But i guess I haven’t discovered something concrete (yet) about my purpose. I can’t quite figure it out, eh? (But I remembered the thing I accidentally downloaded– The Post Script to 1984 thingy, we wont discover our purpose, not until the day we die. Hmm?) All I know is that my supreme goal in my life is to glorify You. Now the question would be how and through what and where exactly to start. I’m not in a hurry Abba Father. I could use these times of whatever-I-should-call-it, to try to find out what’s missing on this relationship between You and I.

God, I want You. I want You in my life. There’s nothing that can surpass that desire of wanting you in every aspect of my life. I haven’t done anything. I don’t know. It consumes me. It’s kinda frustrating, knowing what you want and not knowing how to get it.

P.S. Lord, pwede ba kitang ligawan? Nah, I’m just kidding y’know. I’m already Yours and You are mine. Sumasablay lang ako. Sad.

*Defining FINE: It was the usual CLP feeling. Though it wasn’t the same as before. I wasn ‘t in the zone. (I hated myself for that.) I couldn’t sing my heart out, I couldn’t absorb the teachings so well, I couldn’t concentrate. Too many distractions. Presence, persona, entities. God, I need, err, we need to work this out TOGETHER. God! I’m obsessing on You. Hehe.I badly want You, need You. YOU!

****

2011.0508

It’s been a month since I wrote this thing. A month after the retreat. What happened to us?

 

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