We must admit that it’s the hardest one to deal with. In any way, you’d be deserted. It’s either you’d get irritated, or make you feel guilty. But you can’t simply ignore it. In my case, it’s like reality knocking at my door, slapping my face or shouting right at my ears. They’re aging. They’re becoming more sensitive, more demanding, more drama.
I wouldn’t claim that I’m still young and I’m not supposed to be dealing with this, nor I’m already matured that I could handle this. All I know is that I understand whatever it may be. They are my parents, no matter what.
So what’s with all these? Hmm. Maybe I’m at the state of discovering what I should be doing. Clueless. Confused and eager at the same time to learn what I had to learn for me to be able to meet their needs, though, not financially.
I’m the only person in our house, at the moment that is able to take all these responsibilities, of taking care of a sick parent. My father’s not really that type of person who would get hands on taking care of our family’s emotional need and support. He would specialized *haha* on financial needs, or the mind works, that’s all. My kuya.. never mind. I dunno what’s happening unto him. I dunno what he’s up to. While my ate’s somewhere, working. I don’t even know if she knows. How I wish she’s here, helping me out. Having her around makes it feel easier or right, somehow, even if we’re both not quite sure.
I’m working on, on not being vulnerable on whatever they may say — words that may hurt. Demands, on what they think, us, or I should do. Love, care and attention. It breaks my heart. As she blurts her heart out, with tears in her eyes, out of physical pain and the hurt she’s feeling inside.
All I can do is be there. Be the gas lamp, if not the light of the whole house. Be the moon, but still at the sun’s cost, while the sun’s not around.