Sweetest Weakness

I finally figured out what was wrong. Eto yung rason siguro kung bakit ang bigat ng pakiramdam ko pero di ko maexpress, di ko mai-blog yung rason kung bakit nga nangyayari yun. Out of nothing, really.

Kanina kasi binasa ko yung notes nung kaibigan ko (Ruth) galing dun sa mga tinuturo sa church nila. Hindi ko alam, bigla na lang akong naiyak. Tinatanong nila ko kung bakit ako umiiyak, ang nasabi ko lang “Hindi ko alam. Okay lang ako.” Hindi ko talaga alam yung dahilan nung una. Wala naman akong nabasa na verse na tumagos sakin e. Tapos naisip ko na lang bigla. Lumabas na alng sa bibig ko at nai-share sa kanya.

Lord, bakit nga ba ganun? Ikaw ang lakas ko, pero kapag naiisip ko ang nagagawa ko, dito sa mundo, na dapat para saYo, nanghihina ako. Guilt nga siguro. Ayan, naiiyak ako. Parang sa sobra yatang dami ng hindi ko nagawa na dapat ginawa ko noon pa, at dapat ginagawa ko na ngayon, walang nangyayari. Nakakadisappoint ako. Mali, nadidisappoint ako sa sarili ko.

I think I’m in a hurry. I wanna do something great. I wanna do something that.. I don’t know. Maybe I’m just too desperate of making it up to You. Everything up to You.

*It was out of nothing, right? I wasn’t doing anything.*

I’ve already said this through my prayers, though I wasn’t really praying for something. I wasn’t saying anything. I was trying to hear You, whatever You want me to hear. What is it? What am I gonna do?

“For how many times have I broken Your heart, but still You forgive if only I ask. How many times have you heard me pray. Draw near to me.”

Lord, I need You in my life. I want You to take over, rule over. All I need is You.

“All for love a Savior prayed. Abba Father have Your way. Thought they know what they do let the Cross draw man to You.”

I don’t want You to hear me now, I wanna hear You now.

(Mas gusto ko naman ‘to, na Ikaw ang weakness ko. I love you Lord, hindi man halata sa mga ginagawa ko.)

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